My Driving Experience

     In my lifetime, I have been lucky enough to not have had a lot of terrifying experiences. I have not those fight-or-flight times where instinct completely takes over, or where my nerves and adrenaline would race 1000 times per second. Because of my lack of these experiences, I find life's small tests to be more difficult than most, I'm assuming. For example, when I attended speech class, now almost a year ago, the entire week leading up to my speeches were full of anxiety, stress, and sleepless nights. Now, I'm sure that those with extreme test anxiety will know exactly what I'm talking about, the feeling that you just might die if and when the time comes that you actually have to go and prove yourself. Well, since that class, I've been fortunate enough not to have had that incredibly anxious feeling, at least, up until last week.
     Last week, I had a sleepless night full of tossing and turning, only broken up by nightmares, that led up to my dreaded road test. Now you're probably thinking that one sleepless night doesn't seem like much, and it's not. However, the countless nights that I haven't been able to sleep that have been scattered over the past two years, have been too much.
     To give you all a bit of backstory, I started my driver's ED classes when I was 16, the age that most people expected me to already have my license. I went into these classes with an apparent fear of driving, but hopeful that stepping my foot into the world of independent driving would ease my fear. Fortunately, my driver's ED class proved to be just that: an experience that was full of learning, real-world driving experience, and even an added bonus of having a great friend as a driving buddy. I was enjoying everything about driving, even if I wouldn't remember to breathe throughout my hour and a half sessions. Obviously, something had to change between now and then, of course, or there would be no story to tell.
     On my final driving day with my driving instructor, the day that we were to tackle the highway and parking, that initial fear kicked back in, and even harder than before. To make me feel even better about myself, the fear was not only not triggered by the fast-paced highway, but instead, it was parking. I found parking so ridiculously difficult, more specifically, reverse parking so difficult, that even my driving instructor decided after 15 minutes of me attempting and failing, that maybe it was time to move on, because we were running out of the lesson's time. From then on, my mom would have to physically sit me down in the driver's seat of our car and lovingly, but firmly, make me drive to school, because without that push, I would do anything to avoid the scariest place in the world: the open road. This fear and hastily avoiding driving at any chance I got, continued for the following two years, until June of this year.
     My way of thinking was getting to a point where I realized that I only had a few months left of summer until I went off to college, and it was time. So, for the following two months, I practiced my driving skills, and hard, at that. Anywhere my mom needed driven for errands, I was her personal chauffeur. Pushing through my fear was very difficult, but the inner push of racing before a deadline was my inner motivation. I didn't want to be that one girl at college that still didn't have her license.
Soon enough, my road test did come, and the thought of that test was scary. On a Monday morning, I showed up to the testing site, knowing very well that this was either going to be the best day of my life, or the most embarrassing.
     The parking portion of my test came first, and I knew that if I could pass this section, the section that re-instilled my fear of driving, then I would easily pass the road portion. "Here we go," I thought. "it's now or never." Seconds later, in my side mirror, the worst happened...I knocked over a cone on the dreaded reverse parking. I had just practiced this before we came, so I was absolutely gutted that I hadn't been able to accurately show my skills. Next was parallel parking, something that I had always done very well on. And again, I hit two cones. The feeling in my stomach was miserable. I knew I had failed, so as the examiner came around to speak to me, I was preparing for the worst. However, when I rolled down the window, the woman smiled and said that I had passed the portion and that we were to begin the road test. My mind was in a blur! I knew the parking portion had allowed for some errors, but I thought I had done too badly to continue. From then on, the actual road test went even smoother than I had hoped, so thirty minutes later, after I pulled back into the testing site, I was able to ecstatically give my mom the great news: I passed my driving test! I was able to go to the DMV that day to apply for my license, and a week later, I received my shiny new license in the mail.
     I am proof that even if you're scared, whether it be as specific as my fear of the road test, or just a test in general, you can push through that fear and make it out the other side. There is always going to be another test that life hands you, so do your best to get through them. And, if you fail, take it again. You'll make it through to the other side, and when you do, you'll be a stronger person for it.

Struggling to Find Humility

     Life lessons always seem to sneak up on me when I’m least expecting them, but when I need them the most. Now that I’m 18, I clearly have learned everything there is to learn, and my life’s task is no longer to be a sponge to all the incoming information, but rather sacrifice myself to those who need the advice I have so intellectually attained. If you have not picked up on my sarcasm by now, be assured that it is heavily prevalent.

     Though I would love to sit back and say that I’ve never felt this high-and-mighty air, I must admit, that in certain situations, this thought has crossed my mind. When I see someone struggling with a situation I’ve already experienced and have found my way through, I take it upon myself to spend the next twenty minutes lecturing about what should be done, and what shouldn’t.

     It is so easy to think we know everything just based off of a handful of situations where we’ve been able to help a friend through a rough time, or even a stranger in passing. However, the second I was presented with a situation I had no idea how to handle, I immediately fell back into the “sponge stage”, just like I referenced earlier. My pride has repeatedly taken hits from the multiple times I’ve had to re-learn this lesson. “Surely,” I have thought, “now that I’ve attained a college degree there is nothing else to learn.” This reasoning of having nothing else to learn, I have found, is unfortunate for a couple of reasons that I will list in a short and sweet manner: there is, and it would be no fun.

     This post is no more for my readers than it is for myself. I find there is always something about myself that I’m working on, and humility often finds itself at the top of my to-do list. I have a feeling that once I find myself in college in less than a month, this virtue will not be as difficult to control.

     If anyone else finds themselves struggling with this, I will leave you with this verse.

    “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” – Ephesians 4:2

Generation Blues

     Until last week, I had never stepped foot in an antique store without my mom pulling me along with her, and if it wasn't for a friend, that would still be the case. As I walked around the shop, I didn't take much notice of the random objects that were being sold, but rather the other customers looking over all of the good deals. It didn't take long for me to notice that every other customer in the store not only didn't resemble moms pulling their teens around with them, but rather, the teens were there without their moms. While I was helping my friend look through the old records, I took notice of the other teens who were looking through the racks of clothes from previous decades, even shopping for dishes with that lovely, colorful '70s print, and while I did so, it made me think that antique stores are no longer just made for mothers and grandmothers. Instead, they are quickly becoming the trend for my own generation.
     Maybe this has only just begun, or maybe I'm only now noticing it. Regardless, I find it interesting that so many people who have access to all the current trends, choose to disregard the them, and choose from those of previous generations. It seems to me that more and more teens are looking back at past decades, trying to find something completely new, something that no one has ever found before, and make it their own. Now, whether it is for inner gratification, or to prove to their peers that they aren't the stereotypical, cookie-cutter teens, it can't be denied that they are searching. One of the biggest examples of this is ten years ago, a teen was typically only familiar with record albums if their parents had their own collection, and now, I wouldn't be surprised if a teen's collection surpasses their parents'.
     We are searching for something that has been hidden, something that maybe if we look hard enough in enough antique shops, or fall down a deep enough rabbit hole in eBay, a void in our lives will be filled by finding that one object that no one else knows about. I feel like I have been seeing small pieces of this idea come to life for years, but if it wasn't for this quote that I will leave you with today, it may never have dawned on me that there will never be an old enough antique shop holding the perfect item.

“If I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world.” - C.S. Lewis

The Intimidation of Comebacks

     Everyone's time for change comes, and my time is now. My personal transition from a teenager that loves spending time at home with her parents, to a college student, away from home and trying new things is quickly coming upon my life's horizon. If it wasn't for what seems like my entire town's population coming up to me in the past year and a half asking me what I'm going to do with my life, and all the other questions that seem to be socially acceptable to ask a teenager in my position, no one would have any idea I was stepping out and making this change.
     The intimidation of all of this, however, is that I feel like only very recently, have I "found myself", and figured out just what my personality is, and also what changes I should and shouldn't make to be my purest self. So, moving six hours away and starting college classes that could very well be over my head isn't my biggest worry. My biggest worry is that with these huge changes coming my way, I may lose this great feeling that I've only just gained of knowing who I am, and what I shouldn't stand up for, and more importantly, what I should.
     You see, happiness is one of those things that seems to be annoyingly fleeting. We work and work and work to find happiness, and usually when we do, it only lasts for a short while, until we either get into a situation that steals our happiness, or what made us happy for that moment has dulled, and we need to find something else that can give that feeling that we all crave. To put it in terms that my fellow TV junkies would relate to better is when you wait for an entire season of television of crying, plot twists, and roadblocks just for a mere half an episode where all your favorite characters are finally sitting back, relaxed, and happy. But if you think about it, the TV show wouldn't be that entertaining if there weren't all those tears, plot twists, and roadblocks.
     So, to wrap things up, comebacks are great. They are those wonderful half-episode moments of your life that you have worked so long for. Though it is intimidating to let that happiness in for just a while, knowing that eventually times will change and we'll be on a new adventure to find that good 'ole comeback feeling again, the feeling always seems to be just so exciting that I continue to work even harder for it each time.
     And, in case anyone is wondering, I didn't find myself by experimenting with alcohol, drugs, or sexual promiscuity. I found myself by reading God's word daily and applying it to my life. It's powerful. You should try it.

My Eclectic Music Taste

     This afternoon I was in Target with my dad and I dragged him over to the music section where I spent nearly forty minutes showing him my favorite singers and explaining my favorite songs to him in detail. It was then that I truly realized my music is absolutely all over the place as I walked from section to section trying to find that one artist that was on my mind in that moment. My likes range from Hunter Hayes (who I'm currently listening to) to Kodaline and Taylor Swift to Michael Buble. A few more of my favorite artists and vocalists are Demi Lovato, John Mayer, Adele, Josh Groban, Ed Sheeran, and Rascal Flatts.
     With so many different styles and emotions that are put into various genres of music, there is always something for everyone and that is one of the things I love so much about it. Music is something that has got me through some tough times and I wouldn't change that for anything. No matter what anyone says, music will have had some affect on your life at least one point and time. Whether it be a score in a movie, a montage in a video, or just a song you hear on the radio, it will eventually provoke emotions you didn't even know you had.
     It's funny because music takes you through your whole life. A couple of years back I was obsessed with listening to The Jonas Brothers and though I still sing along when they come on my shuffle, they are no longer the most played artist on my iPod. Even though you and your music taste is constantly changing, music will forever be there to give you the option to let you change with it, and I find that an incredibly beautiful process of life in general.
     I find it a fantastic stress reliever, my personal study group, and a fellow fangirl, depending on what mood I'm in. Music will always be there for me when people aren't and for that, I am forever thankful.

The Meaning of the Necklace

     Last night we said goodbye to Ziva David. We said goodbye to the agent we all loved so much--the agent (and actress, Cote de Pablo) that gave us eight wonderful years. In the episode "Past, Present, and Future" and the ending of "Whiskey, Tango, Foxtrot" Ziva's necklace played quite a big part. In previous seasons it has been hinted and theorized that Tony gave Ziva her second Star of David necklace after her first was taken from her when she was captured in Somalia. With that being said, I'm going to write the rest of this blog based on that assumption.
     At the end of "Whiskey, Tango, Foxtrot" it was found that Ziva left her necklace at her father's old safe house, indicating that it was her that killed the men lying in the middle of the floor. As Tony sees her necklace sitting on the frame that holds a picture of her as a child, his face is washed with an expression of pain, worry, and confusion. That expression leads me to believe he was not only extremely worried for her in that moment because she has said before, "I'd rather die than to take this necklace off," as well as if he did give it to her it would have a huge meaning to them both. Now, flashing forward to last night's episode, "Past, Present, and Future," Tony asks the new director of Mossad, Orli, if he can have the necklace back. I'm not sure if he wanted the necklace just for the intention of giving it back or because there was that special connection to it.
     After spending months searching for his beloved partner, Tony returns the necklace which brings the response, "an old friend," and a faint smile from Ziva. I took from that line that as she had lost her heart while her and Tony were separated but now that Tony was back in her life, the friend has come back. After a tearful goodbye and Tony is on the plane back to D.C., Tony began working on his own "I Will" list and as he puts his pen back into his jacket pocket, he discovers the one and only necklace that was just waiting to be found.
     With these collections of scenes, moments, and lines, I can't stop thinking that Ziva is representing her necklace as her heart. Her putting it in his jacket pocket speaks to me like she was saying, "Even though I'm gone, my heart is yours. Keep it safe for me, okay?" Until Ziva comes back, this is the only thing that will keep me hanging on by a thread.

A Lecture Topic

     If you are anything like me, you probably would have cringed when you saw the title of this post. You might have thought, "A lecture? No thank you, I had enough of those in school," but I promise you, this is not a lecture, just a topic I could happily talk on for hours on end. There are many things I'm passionate about in life. My faith, my friends, family, writing, TV shows, and just life in general. Even though most of you probably would have said one of those things would be my topic, you're wrong. Something I'm extremely passionate about is music. Music has the power to transform someone's whole day and put a smile on your face. Music is said to have the ability to make someone in a bad mood become happy and even study harder just from one song. It is also said if you listen to just fifteen minutes before you go to sleep you will go to sleep faster and wake up easier. Pretty cool, huh? It has such amazing affects and I love it for that.
     Whenever I'm in a bad mood or just want something to listen to, music is always there for me when people are not. All the different harmonies, tones, and voices of all the different possibilities of songs will make your head spin if you think about it all for too long. One of the huge reasons I love music is because it has such a calming quality and will also evoke so many emotions in a little amount of time. A lot of times you love a song because it reminds you of something or someone, and I believe that is a big part of the whole realm of the music industry. Music portrays a story in three to five minutes that can touch your heart, make you view life differently, and change your entire mood in the hopes of changing someone else's.